For Isaac's birth (read about that HERE!), I decided an epidural was not an option for me. I was ill prepared, however, and spent about 8 of the 12 hours of his labor shrieking and writhing in pain. My poor husband. And mom. And sister.
With Ronan, I had an induction date scheduled for 5 days before my due date. I was afraid of the intensity of the contractions from pitocin and kept myself open to an epidural this time around. (Josh was voting yes, please.)
The Pregnancy
My pregnancy with Ronan was very different than my first. I ended up in the hospital at 32 weeks for false labor. They ran all their tests, told me I was dehydrated (being "The Water Nazi", according to my friend Ashley, I was flabbergasted that this was possible), and sent me home without any fluids (I will always wonder, WHY?!). I spent the next two days in bed in some of the worst pain I've ever experienced and continued to have intense contractions on and off through the rest of my pregnancy. My doctor assured me this was all normal (the contractions, not the dehydration, of course).my prego glamour shot
So, with all the uterine activity, up till the last few days before I was scheduled to be induced, I was wishing and hoping for my body to go into labor all by its lonesome. I danced The Wobble every day with Isaac. I did jumping jacks, squats and all other various activities rumored to get things going. Nada.
The Labor
I had heard that castor oil (yum yum) could help induce labor if your body is ready. So the afternoon before I was supposed to go in to the hospital, I downed a dose and waited to see what would happen.
Here's where it got interesting. Had I done my research, I would have found that while many women OVERDUE have used castor oil with success, it can often (if your body isn't ready) lead to its own oily version of false labor.
First came the obvious effect. (if it's not obvious to you, google it. or don't. i'll just say: it's kinda yuck.)
Then, an hour or two later, came the regular contractions. Keep in mind, at this point, I didn't have hindsight, so for all I knew, this was the real deal! I was pumped! They got closer. And closer. After about four hours, I was having contractions 3 minutes apart and they had been steady for over 45 minutes. My mom had come over to sit with me till Josh got home. He had to work late, so she drove me to the hospital.
Josh met us there as we arrived around 8pm. I felt very calm, cool and ready to get this baby out. I just knew he'd be trying to fall out as soon as we got a room.
Fast forward three hours and we are still in triage. My contractions have slowed down to 7-10 minutes apart and I'm feeling very anxious and irritated. My plan was not working!!
We finally got a room around midnight and I paced for about an hour, hoping to speed things back up. I think I got contractions back to 5-7 minutes apart but they were not regular and slowed down as soon as I stopped moving.
My precious nurse came in and told me that the doctors would not be willing to give me pitocin till at least 8am. Trying to fight off the feeling of defeat creeping over me, I decided to be reasonable and sit down. I knew that I could walk around in circles for the next four hours and very possibly still not have this baby till late morning. It seemed sleep (or at least rest) rather than exhausting myself might be of more use for the work later to come.
My resignation gave Josh permission to pass out on the couch and I stared into space as my 10-12 minute apart contractions got more and more painful. Around 2am, I was having to breath through each contraction. While impressed with my ability to handle the pain (humility is not my strongest character trait), I knew I wasn't going to get any rest or be ready for pushing in what must surely be hours later.
The Epidural
I woke Josh up at 2:30 and announced that I wanted an epidural. He looked like Christmas had come early. I couldn't believe how calm I still felt.
Then the anesthesiologist walked in. She'd obviously been woken up and was not very happy about it. She sauntered in, drolly read through the required documents, and prepared her equipment. I was trying not to freak out, but when she started talking about the needle in my back, the pressure I might feel, I started to shake uncontrollably. My poor, sweet nurse held my shoulders down in what felt like the strongest hug I'd ever been given. I kept seeing images of myself flipping out, IV's flying, trays crashing, hanging lights being smashed into the wall. It took all of my self control (and Angel Nurse) to sit still.
The epidural kicked it quickly and I loved how numb I was! What a relief, time to sleep! Except, of course, I never went to sleep. I was too excited. I flipped channels while Josh snoozed on the couch.
Here We Go!
Four hours later my mom and sister-in-law showed up for the party. I was 7cm at this point and was hoping things would get going soon. The nurses came in to check me and I realized the reason I couldn't move my right side at all was because my leg had swollen to more than twice its size. We spent awhile trying to adjust the epidural and get my body back in balance.
you don't make such sweet calm faces at this point in labor unless you've been drugged!!
What a strange experience to have someone else tell me it was time to push. One minute I was talking and laughing with my family, the next, we were getting in position to get this baby out! I still could not lift my own legs, which irritated me. Not until it was time to push, however, did I find out how much harder it was to push when you can't feel anything!
Every push felt like it was all I had left. After a few turns, my doctor asked me if I wanted to feel his head, if that would encourage me. I seriously love Dr. Mestemacher. But I remember thinking, why would I want to put my hand down there? She was right though. I felt a tiny, soft, fuzzy head and thought, WOA! he's tiny! This shouldn't take long at all! After that, I just knew every push was almost the last.
What she didn't mention was that I was only feeling about a quarter-sized portion of what was actually a very large head. (Maybe this should have been logical?)
After 18 hours of labor, Ronan plopped out a whopping 9lbs 5oz. Dear Lord, please keep any future unborn children under 8lbs until after birth. Amen.
My next memory, after that of amazing relief, was having my slimy baby placed in my arms. I would love to say the tears started then, but all I could think was, "why is he so slimy?!!"
When they finally placed him in my arms, cleaned and hungry, I wept. He was beautiful and healthy and perfect.
There is such a different beginning to your relationship with a second child. When Isaac was first born, I was tentative, reserved and could only guess how much I would grow to love him. Now knowing the powerful, tender, warrior-mamma love I have for one, giving it to another begins so assuredly. Sweetly. With much less fear. And with much more fear as I struggle to love these two precious gifts without holding on too tight.
Ronan Michael
he has been in love with his daddy from the moment they met
the feeling is mutual
My precious Ronan, you are a gift of joy. I have loved watching you grow, eat, sleep. Learn to smile, laugh, grab your toes. I love how much you adore your big brother and how much he loves you. I pray your little heart is being drawn to Jesus, will be tender and kind, fierce and loyal.
brotherly love
first trip to the lake
handsome, handsome! (he get his photogenic skills from his daddy!)
P.S. I know birth stories aren't for everyone. I love them, both telling mine and hearing others! One day, I would love to give birth in a birthing center. Currently, however, Memphis is not a very friendly environment for people who are a little more "hippie" in their birthing preferences. (unless you are more hippie than I and want to have your baby at home!!) :-) For a really cool blog on a home birth, click HERE (boho baby bump). For a birth in a seriously amazing birthing center, click HERE (my hodgepodge).
P.P.S. I wanted to credit my amazing sister-in-law, Katie Marlier, for the photos taken during and directly after labor. I just found out today a dear friend had her camera with all her labor photos and videos stolen just weeks after her sweet baby was born, and am heartbroken for her. These pictures are priceless and I am very thankful for them. Thank you, Katie!
